I don't even know guise

I'm having such a hard time e__e I went with my mom and little brother to register him for high school and I had to try really hard to keep from cryingggggg hnnnggg

Every time there's one of those 'if u could do anything what would it b' meme things, the answer is always 'be in high school again'.


I miss high school a lot. Even moreso recently, I don't know why it's getting so bad. I see these BAK 2 SKOOL commercials and I can't even watch them.

It's so bad I'm considering trying to get a job working at the high school just to get in that atmosphere again.

I miss it. The desks, the homework, the teachers, the lunchroom, the classes, the social aspect - everything. I know some of you had a horrible time in high school, and for you I apologize. I just miss it so much myself that I don't know what to do.

I'm not going to age well. ): I can feel it.


on a lighter note, i have bread.

wow, that was pretty ridiculous.

at around 5 am or so i switch to laying on my stomach because it's no longer comfortable to sit up. when this happens i get tired a lot faster. i doze off at about 5.30 - 6 and i don't go away on aim. ...because i've fallen asleep.


in most cases when i am awake enough to do so i will message anyone that might have been affected. but not... if i'm unable to hold a conversation.


mm.. yeah. just something to keep in mind.

small update. i have devised a plan.

since i've recently discovered that there is no minimum number of hours i have to work to keep healthcare at the gas station, i have decided to reduce my availability very drastically to maybe two nights a week just to keep them. if they have a problem, i'm going to split.

the other side of that is there is a new gamestop opening very nearby ((well, about 10 m or so, but that's not bad)) that needs employees. my gamestop manager doesn't want that manager to have to hire noobs, so he's thinking of having me, jared, and bryan ((high school friend of mine and third key at the store i work at)) be borrowed to there until the store is on its feet with good employees. and i'd work at my original store and etc and all that, so i'm going to find out about reducing hours before i talk to jeff about definitely being transferred.

i'm going to pitch this to my mother and the gas station like so: they're opening a new store and need good, experienced workers. i've been in the company almost 5 years and this is definitely a shot at a good promotion, and i'm going to take it. *cue queen music* DON'T. STOP ME. NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

and i'm getting my temps hopefully tomorrow, and scheduling my tooth getting pulled ((which is why i am so HNNNNGGGG about insurance aside my mom being a pterodactyl about it)) very soon too.


things are looking up...............................



btw acen is soon and hota/adrian/reason is gonna be here on the THIRTEENTH. life is good.




ps. please don't misconstrue my work and e-stress as being unhappy. i'm perfectly happy. there are just a few holes in it which i'm trying to stitch up.

Why isn't there any way for me to say this without sounding like some emo, stuck-up, attention-whoring little bitch?

I just

hate my job. Quite a bit. Anytime I tell someone I always feel as if they're glowering at me like 'not everyone likes their fucking job, you're lucky to have one, get the fuck over it.' but I HAVE another one! If I can get health benefits from the job I actually LIKE, the job that doesn't make me stay in bed until an hour before I have to be there, hoping that maybe by some stroke of luck the world will end so I don't have to go, -- Why not take them, drop the job that makes me miserable, and go on with my life? Okay, so it's less money. I don't drive, I don't have a car, I live at home. I spend money on art and shit I don't need. And I have people that spoil me. Why the hell do I ever spend money?

It's one thing to hate your co-workers. It's another thing to hate your management. But it's something ENTIRELY different when both your co-workers and your management is unbearable and tries very hard to make your work enviornment stressful.

Especially when the only two people I like working there... one of them put in his two weeks because of this bullshit, and the other just works in the kitchen for her shifts. Meanwhile, I'm stuck up on register with this prissy bitch who doesn't let me do anything but help customers for nine hours. NINE fucking HOURS. Behind register asking people if they need a lighter or some matches to kill themselves that much fucking faster.

'but beatnik,' you start. 'surely it can't be THAT bad, right?'

well my friend, let me give you a little story about how the past few days have been.

Last week... Wednesday, I think it was, I had a nine hour shift. That's fine, whatever. I worked with a girl that I specifically TOLD THE MANAGER I refused to work with based on how she treated me. Undeservingly, like crap. But fine, whatever. She didn't come in until 4, I went in at 2. It was me. And Bob. Inthe store by ourselves for two hours. So, lol, basically, it was me on register helping lines upon lines of customers for two hours. Until girl shows up. Okay fine. I'm not even that miffed that she starts doing closing shift work that -i- wanted to do since I hate being on register. What bothers me is when 5 pm rolls around and I take out the garbage -- note the store is empty -- and to call my mom to tell her I was at work ((i wasn't supposed to work that day)) -- I am not on the phone for three minutes. I didn't get an answer so I hang up and start heading back inside. The manager is ALSO throwing away garbage, sees me.

"What the hell are you doing out here, leaving her with a line like that?"
"I was taking out the garbage, the store was empty."
"You left her with a line to take out garbage! What sort-of worker is that?" ((I will laugh and note that he not only left her with a line himself, but to also take out garbage))
"What's up with me only getting 19 hours next week when I usually get 30? Huh?"
"Maybe if you didn't pull crap like this you'd get more hours lol!"

Basically I'm a slacker so I don't get hours. Whatever. That day would have ended fine if I hadn't been fucking TERRIFIED to take a break. She took two twenty minute smoking breaks from that point til close.

THURSDAY ROLLS AROUND LOL

I work 2 - 11 again, girl works 2 - 7. A five hour shift.

It's about 3.30 and she leaves me with a line of people to go fill her fat face for about 7 - 10 minutes. Fine. Whatever.

It's 4 pm and I want to take a break with another co-worker that stopped in on his day off.

"You're supposed to wait 4 hours before you go on a break." ((Do I REALLY need to point out the 'what the FUCK' here?))

I take a fucking break anyway. After this, in her FIVE HOUR SHIFT, she takes two more 7 minute breaks.



The manager... KNOWS and SEES all this shit. Like the time Tracey, this 45 year old cougar that acts like she's 19 -- Her son came into the store with his posse of friends ((OH! I should mention. Bob yells at people for loitering in the store. But if you're Tracey, her daughter, her son, or any of their family friends it is PERFECTLY okay to stay in the store for 20 minutes or more and distract the co-workers on shift. Yup.)) Anyway, her son comes in, and COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED, whips a pen at me from across the store like a brat. Without a word I go in and tell Tracey, and she fucking IGNORES me. The next day I tell Bob and he says he'll talk to her. Did he? aaaaaaaaanope! Of course not! Tracey is the patron saint of kwik trip and anything she or anyone she knows does is law abiding and just perfectly fine.

Bob also has threatened to fire me and another coworker ((coincidentally the one that's quitting lol!)) because we're friends and we'll like hi-five and hug each other during the day. Before you leap on me, I understand sexual harassment. But uh, most of the time I hug him first lol! Bob went out of his way to go into the store and chew jared a new asshole because of it.

If he so much as looks at me funny today, I'm quitting right there.

I'm not kidding.

cookiespam on furc, some good fortunes i got

 You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: The future is a race between education and catastrophe.   -- H.G. Wells

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.   -- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: "Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can* you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Pauca sed matura.  [Few but excellent.]   -- Gauss

 You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.   -- Whitney Balliett

 You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Do your otters do the shimmy? Do they like to shake their tails? Do your wombats sleep in tophats? Is your garden full of snails?

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.   -- J.R.R. Tolkien

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: 42

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: "Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the one holding it" -- Captain Combat

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: "But I don't like Spam!!!!"

 You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: "I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian."

You eat a cookie. A small note has been baked into it. It reads: The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.

yessir i am working on my intel briefcase with my dad for upcoming ACen 09. and i must say, it is looking rather swell. :B check it out!

((ps i accidentally took the pictures upside-down i hadn't slept in 24 hours >_> ))









putty'd on :B I THINK IT I S AWESOME.





also, kitties.


Engie


Punkin


Aawww :B

what would a lj by me be without the occasional bash.org spam?

HERE WE GO

http://bash.org/?99060
http://bash.org/?154330
http://bash.org/?461213
http://bash.org/?42262
http://bash.org/?173451
http://bash.org/?772439
http://bash.org/?636447
http://bash.org/?116528
http://bash.org/?237811
http://bash.org/?331940
http://bash.org/?100194
http://bash.org/?218267
http://bash.org/?652012
http://bash.org/?748314

give blood. it makes you feel excellent about yourself. :>

*sofulloflove*

When you hear the word critique, what do you think? Constructive help to better yourself as a human being in whatever category is being criticized? O: You fucking bet. BUT SOME PEOPLE -- believe it or not, seem to be under the impression that critique = asspats and candy rainbows. This, ladies and gents, is wrong. Very wrong.

I'd like to bring to light exhibit A; a 'friend' of mine asks me for critique on a piece of her art, which turns into a BAWWWW-fest, and ultimately, her decision ((which will be broken in record-time, I promise you)) to not speak to me any more. One can only hope.

And so it begins.

==================

fwirlby: i drewed a unicorn
fwirlby: and hes not rainbowy!
fwirlby: o:
Beatnik Zoo: lol?
fwirlby: can i show you? o:
Beatnik Zoo: ah s'pose
fwirlby wants to directly connect.
fwirlby is now directly connected.
fwirlby:  http://i37.tinypic.com/ws3521.png
Beatnik Zoo: neat i guess
fwirlby: i was trying a new shading..drawing thing.. style :c
Beatnik Zoo: i just don't like unicorns, lol
fwirlby: well still :P is it 'drawn' well. content doesn't have to count
Beatnik Zoo: idk, i'm a little busy so i can't look at it close atm ((I was playing TF2. Which I QUIT to get a better look at her picture so I could give her an honest critique of it. Bad. Fucking. Idea.))
fwirlby: oic
fwirlby direct connection is closed.
Beatnik Zoo: looks weird to me
Beatnik Zoo: i don't know what you're trying to... do, or improve
fwirlby: :/ wow you're nice.
Beatnik Zoo: hey
Beatnik Zoo: you asked if it was drawn well
Beatnik Zoo: and i'm giving you a crit
Beatnik Zoo: don't ask for it if you don't want it, cripes
fwirlby: It's just a drawing. I was proud, wanted to show you, and you say stuff like that. Crit is nice, but jeez, Is nice crit even in existance anymore?
Beatnik Zoo: Critiques aren't for asspats. Critiques are for improvements. You asked if it was drawn well, and I gave you my answer.
Beatnik Zoo: Like I said, if you DON'T want my opinion, DON'T ask for it
Beatnik Zoo: I'm sorry you were offended by it :c
fwirlby: Well sure. But I don't think 'i dont see what youre trying to  do/improve' is considered crit. :/
Beatnik Zoo: Then you don't know what critique is
fwirlby: Thats just .. well rude.
Beatnik Zoo: No
Beatnik Zoo: It's not
fwirlby: Sure I do.
Beatnik Zoo: Hey, okay, you asked me what the critique part was in what I said
Beatnik Zoo: So here:
Beatnik Zoo: I don't know what you're trying to change from your normal style. It looks weird to me because it's neither here nor there, and there's stuff that's different, stuff that's not, and it doesn't look normal because it's not your normal style.
Beatnik Zoo: You said it yourself, you're trying something different
Beatnik Zoo: So I'm wanting to know what it is you're trying to accomplish by changing your style
Beatnik Zoo: Make it look more realistic? Make it look better? Make it look like a certain artists?
fwirlby: Im trying a different shading. As I said. :/ sketchish.
Beatnik Zoo: fwirlby: i was trying a new shading..drawing thing.. style :c
Beatnik Zoo: not specific enough XD
fwirlby: I'd really rather not know what else you have to say though. I was in a good mood for finishing something, and, as usual, no matter what I speak to you for it ends up in a fight. Go play with my sister or something because right now, I'd rather not talk to you. I'm tired of anything I say being assed upon by you.
Beatnik Zoo: You asked for my opinion, I gave it to you.
Beatnik Zoo: If you think this is a fight, then you're very sorely mistaken.
Beatnik Zoo: If you're gonna stomp your feet because I don't give you asspats and candy as an opinion, don't ask for them from someone that you KNOW gives honest critiques.
fwirlby: I'm not saying it's a fight.
Beatnik Zoo: ' as usual, no matter what I speak to you for it ends up in a fight. '
fwirlby: I'm saying all I ever get anymore from you, is.. hell I dont even know what to call it. But everything you say just makes me upset. -- I said they end up like that. And frankly, I can see this chat ending in a sort of fight.
Beatnik Zoo: To be honest, kid, if you knew how to take a critique you wouldn't be upset.
fwirlby: and I'm not LOOKING for asspats. I was looking for, oh I dont know something like 'oh that looks nice, maybe you could such and such' not 'i dont like it, what are you doing' etc. honestly, how the hell do you think i feel? thats basically what I get from you every time. And don't fucking call me kid.
fwirlby: call my SISTER kid. she's fucking 15.
Beatnik Zoo: Um
Beatnik Zoo: I didn't say I didn't like it
Beatnik Zoo: Although
Beatnik Zoo: I did tell you I didn't like unicorns
Beatnik Zoo: And you said
Beatnik Zoo: 'crit the drawing, not the subject'
Beatnik Zoo: So I did
Beatnik Zoo: And I said it looked weird
Beatnik Zoo: And then I even explained WHY
Beatnik Zoo: And you threw a tantrum.
fwirlby: Im not throwing a tantrum. But I'm going to now, and tell you to stop talking to me.
Beatnik Zoo: Taking a critique isn't folding your arms and sticking out your tongue when someoen says something you don't like
Beatnik Zoo: It's taking every word into consideration and applying it to your next piece of art
Beatnik Zoo: THAT'S improvement.
Beatnik Zoo: that's what critique enables.
fwirlby: well I'm really tired of asking critique from you. because THIS is all it ever turns into. So please stop talking to me.
fwirlby: You were sick of me there. now it's my turn.
Beatnik Zoo: Okay, then all you have to do is stop asking me for critique.
Beatnik Zoo: You said it yourself, you're tired of asking me.
Beatnik Zoo: So don't.
fwirlby: I dont plan on doing it again.
Beatnik Zoo: Problem solved.



Someone call the WAAAAAAAAmbulance, amirite? Jesus Christ.

moral of the story: ask me for a crit, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

hai